It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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