Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
