it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
