dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So here I am, sexting at work.
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