everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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