I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
