I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
