I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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