??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
