i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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