I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
