Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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