Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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