I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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