she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
