Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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