Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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