When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
