i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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