I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
