dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
