i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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