Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
