i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
