Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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