i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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