these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I did not marry a roomba.
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