wanna go halves on a baby?
4 words: hood of his car
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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