The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
