my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
