glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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