it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
