Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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