i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
