Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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