I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
