U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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