And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
