you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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