Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
