ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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