Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
