I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
two words: eviction party
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
