Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
