I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
