Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
