ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
