we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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