I didn't shave. On purpose
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
if only i could text you this smell
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
