i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
